more of the same

I feel as though I am nothing but a let down, both to myself and others, physically, financially, and emotionally.  I feel paralyzed in my own body but don't have an 'egg tooth' to break through my shell.  I can do any work I am assigned, I can do anything, it seems, except land a decent and somewhat-enjoyable job.  I have so much potential and fell as tho I will never get a chance to show of what skills I do have,

The Demon WIthin

I am sometimes so frustrated that among my fibromylagia, chronic fatige and cyclic vomiting syndrome that that would be more than most can handle.  But you know what, all of those things together - 8,000 or so, whereas the bipolar, by itself, is at about 800 millions.  No hyperbole, no joke.
I'm trying to get a job because we need the income and I am tired beyond belief of being a stay-at-home wife,  I am just afraid that no one will hire me, and that no one will give me a chance.  I am an excellent driver and hard worker, I am devoted to getting the job done until it's done, not til the shift is over.
I am as always afraid of failure.  That's all I seem to be able to do is fail.  Perhaps this time will be different?  Oh Goddess Isis I hope so.  Please, Lady of Water, hear my prayer, Ra, God of the Sun, hear my pray.  Sekhmet, Goddess of the earth and my own personal patron, help me to dig out from underneath this pile of rock so that I can walk on my own two feet again.  And Ra, keeper of the sun and daylight, help me to face this new day and new phase of my life.

Now I'm on the Hunt

So last night I spent about an hour sending resumes to about two dozen people who had ads on craigslist (for part time positions exclusively, for now).  I have an interview tomorrow - it's a campaign to try to tackle the problem of childhood obesity.  That's all I know at present.  They are downtown and my appointment is at 11:00 AM.
Also - I know I sent this message out on facebook for most of the folks who read this, but I have a question for my readers: if I were to sell Avon products, would you buy them from me?  I plan to do both online and in-person sales.
Wish me luck in my interview!

Two Dozen

As of yesterday I have two dozen nieces and nephews.  I also consider my friend Kellie's two boys to be my nephews, 'adopted,' as it were.  The youngest was born so quickly her mom had her at home, yesterday in the early AM.
I enjoy being an aunt - I like being able to be a part of these kids' lives, and I like being able to send them back to their Moms & Dads.  I am not going to be having any kids of my own, and being free from that pressure, I think, frees me up emotionally, physically and financially.  I am able to live my own life while (for the most part) setting a good example and being emotionally available for my nieces and nephews.
Even though I'm not a mom, I am a stay-at-home housewife.  This is because my fibromyalgia and cyclic vomiting syndrome, at times, are literally all-consuming.  I had to quit my job because the commute hurt too much, and I haven't gotten one back yet.  I do want to re-enter the workforce, but something easy and low-stress would be best, I think.  My favorite job ever was 7-11, because it was such a low-stress (& low-paying) position.  I think I may try retail sales, but I've also been thinking about maybe applying to a car dealership (there are three within a quarter mile of my home).  When I was in banking, I was consistently (every single month I worked there, including the first one and the 8 months after being promoted to operations, which was supposed to be a non-sales position) in the top five (of the state, not the company) salespersons.  I'm good with people and languages - I do need to brush up on my Spanish before even attempting to do sales in that language again - and genuinely enjoy doing sales as a job (as long as it's a product that is decent, I can't bring myself to try to convince others to purchase something I know is a crappy deal or product).  It would be part-time at first, of course.  I've been thinking about this for a while and I think I will go filling out applications later this week.  I will be looking for something easy, for some extra income as much as to alleviate the boredom that being in pain and not being able to do much creates.
Wish me luck!